Monday, July 21, 2008

The Not So Good News

The Dr called today.

They already have the test results back.

Apparently, they forgot that longer was better.

The News sucked. I have cancer. I am crying just typing that.

They don' t know how far it has spread without further testing. We meet with the oncologist on Thursday. From there we will schedule a PET scan to see where all the cancer has spread. I will be started on chemo drugs soon after that.

I am pissed.
I am sad.
I am confused.

I sort of expected this. I did. But it still makes me angry that the test came back positive. I just keep asking why.

What is the plan here?
Surely God doesn't want to take me away from my babies so soon, does he?
What does he want from me?
Why is this happening to me?
What should I have done differently?
How am I supposed to take care of two young ones when I am on chemo?

Damn it I'm pissed.

33 comments:

Wendy said...

I wish I could help you out by answering your questions. I don't why all this is happening to you but please know that my heart and prayers go out for you.

Jodi said...

I wish I knew the answers, but I don't. I ask myself similar questions every day when I try to figure out why Logan was taken from me. I just don't understand. Please know that I'm thinking and praying for you.

The Mom said...

Heather, I wish I had the words for you. Many prayers and love for you!

Shannon said...

Heather, I am so sorry. I'm just stunned and so sad reading your news. I wish it had been better. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. I'm praying for you, and for your family right now.

McMommy said...

I sent you something in the mail. You'll see soon. But for now...here is a quote from it:

"If children have the ability to ignore odds and percentages, then maybe we can learn from them.

When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up or fight like hell."

I think I already know what option you are going to choose, Heather.

((Hugs & prayers!))

Christy said...

You have every right to be pissed and sad and confused. I am here listening and crying with you.

Mamasphere said...

Oh, Heather. I'm so sorry. I will keep praying for you.

As hard as it is to write, thank you for sharing your story as it unfolds. Even if all I can do is pray, I'm so glad to be able to do it for you.

Anonymous said...

All I have to offer are the words of a song. "It's easy to have faith when things are going well. To trust in God when things are not so hard. But when the problems come and the answers not in sight He wants us to believe that He can make things right. Please, help us Heavenly Father to trust in You today. You've always answered in the past. Help us find Your Way." Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Him. I am continuing to pray for your peace and strength.
Laura

Anonymous said...

I've had melanoma as well. Mine didn't spread but I know there are amazing things they can do to now to beat this. I will be praying for you everyday. You WILL beat this.

Sally said...

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. There are always so many questions that plague us during times like this. I pray that you receive some answers quickly.

There is another Heather out in blog land who was diagnosed with brain cancer a little over a year ago. She's been aggressively treating it ever since. She has been an inspiration to me in so many different ways. If you feel up to it, check out her blog: http://especiallyheather.com/

Anonymous said...

You have many people who love you and are thinking of you. I know life sucks now, but I know you are strong and will get through it and that there will be someday that you'll look back and realize the answers to your questions. Just know that you have many people praying for you and to stay positive, because your kiddos love you and we all love you. I wish I could say something better... but I don't know what to say. Your in our thoughts always.
~cherie~

Wendi said...

Oh Heather, I am so sorry.
The news sucks.
But you can do this.
You. can.
I am praying for you and your sweet family.
As hard as it was, thanks for sharing.
((hugs))

Chelle said...

Oh, Heather, I wish I could make everything be better. I am saying prayers for you and I wish I knew the answers to your questions. I am so sorry they called. Sending you some (((hugs)))

mandy said...

Heather may heart just sank for you today, I am so sorry this is happening to you. We are going thru the same thing with my dad and I ask the same questions every single day. I wish we had answers. But I know you are strong enough to fight this. You have to wonderful babies that are worth the fight. You and your family are in my prayers. If you need ANYTHING please let me know.

Kristen said...

Oh heather.

I am so sorry. I too was hoping for a post a couple weeks from now about this.

Just know that there is a plan. I have often said that it is hard to see God's hand at work in the now, but someday you will look back on this and see how God was helping you through this.

My husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor when he was just 30. Anya was 6 months, and Cade 23 months. Hang in there. God WILL carry you through this.

And yes, my dear, fight like hell!!

Sending you hugs and prayers!

Jen :) said...

I wish I could give you all the answers to all your questions. I know that this is going to be a VERY difficult time for you and ALL your family and friends. Just remember, we are all out here to help you and support you in EVERY way that we can! You can do this! We are all ready to help you beat this! We all love you and are praying for you every single day!

Tammy said...

I am so sorry Heather! Hey, but you are a Snyder and every Snyder I know is a fighter..related or not! Be strong for those sweet babies of yours! Sending lots of love your way!

Lewis Family said...

I am devistated by your news. Please, please let us know how we can help. Stay Strong! Continued Prayers!

Jenn said...

I'm so sorry, I know that's what everyone says and really it doesn't do much . I don't know what else to say, if we lived closer I would watch the kids for you or anything else to help you out or just give you a break when you feel you need it. I have you in my thoughts!

L said...

Hope it helps a bit to know that one complete and total stranger...me...is sending up prayers for you. Take care!

Leigh Ann

thetoepfertimes said...

Oh Crap. I don't know what else to say. We are all praying and hoping for you. I don't have any answers, but to lean on your family and friends we'll be here for anything you need. Please let us know. You and Cody were our first "grown up couple friends" We have great memories and I know we will have more because you Will win!
All our love.

Kerry said...

Heather I'm so sorry! I know I can't say anything to make it better, but like everyone else who commented, I'm thinking of you and your family. You'll beat this!!!

beth said...

I can offer no answers, only prayers that the further testing brings better news.

You can get through this.

Clare said...

Heather, I am so sorry! You have every right to be pissed, I would be. We are all praying for you, and your family:) love, Clare

Formercitygirl said...

I have two girls the same age as yours. I look at them and think of you, and my heart breaks. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Be strong and have faith.

Jamie said...

Oh my, you don't know me...I just randomly came across your blog but I have tears in my eyes and I cry with you. All I can say is that I REALLY DO know the emotional pain you feel. It's a horrible horrible feeling. YOU WILL BE IN MY PRAYERS. I will pray for you now, and continue to pray for you. God works miracles...I've seen them first hand.

Lauren in GA said...

I came to your blog via Wendi.

I am sorry...I wish I had something really intelligent and soothing to say. I will pray for you and your beautiful little family.

Anonymous said...

Heather,

Another bump in the road, isn't it?

Aunt Frances says that God is testing us---G'pa says why does he have to test us, we are doing the best we can. And that is all we can do. There will be people helping you with what you need---don't worry about that.

Kyler and Ella will help you by just growing stronger. I am sure everyone will look into the best thing for you. There are classes or people that get together and share their experiences. I think that would help---knowing there are others.

We are praying the best we can, and know you will be strong in doing what you need to do----

Love you,

G'ma

amanda said...

sounds like you (and we) have a little cancer a** to kick huh??

we are all right here with you. cheering you on. every step of the way. please know that we truly are right by your side.

hugs and prayers.

Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry, Heather. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jen said...

I'm so sorry that you got the news that you did. It will be a long road, but I just know you can beat this.

I'm not a very religious person, but I do believe in God. What I don't believe in is that God gives certain people cancer to test them. It is what it is and all you can do is accept it, but then do everything in your power to make yourself better.

Please make sure to get second opinions. I know I've read that many times when it pertains to very serious illnesses. It will be a long road but I know that you can do it. You are in my prayers. I hope you can feel the love and strength that everyone is sending you. {{{Hugs}}}

Rach (Mommy Learns to Blog) said...

Heather, my heart just dropped reading this post. I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling, but I thank you for having the strength and courage to keep us posted. I wish I had the answers to your questions. I can tell you this, though - you are an amazing wife, mom, and friend. And you didn't "do" anything wrong. You have a long road ahead of you, but you are going to fight it. I know you are. Sending you big hugs and lots of love.

L said...

Just thought I would try and put you in touch with a few fellow bloggers facing cancer, might help to talk with them or read their stories...

http://deenasstory.blogspot.com/

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/keri

 
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