Sunday, July 27, 2008

What A Week!

This week we have been blessed with many visitors.

One of the visitors that stopped by was our Pastor from church. I have to admit, I was a little nervous about him stopping by.


Because honestly, I am mad. I am mad at God for making me go through all of this. Doesn't He know that I have two beautiful little children that really need me?

When our Pastor asked how my faith was right now, I just looked at him. Then I told him that it was pretty weak right now. I was happy to hear that my feelings are perfectly normal. I was a little embarrassed for exposing this weakness and this anger to my Pastor, but we are very blessed to belong to a wonderful church with wonderful people.

Our Pastor also asked how support was going outside of the church. Of course, I told him that my family and most of Cody's family has been very supportive.

I then mentioned my bloggy friends. At first he sort of looked at me like I was insane.

A blog?

What is that?

I explained what it is, and how most of you have kids around my kids age and even though you don't "know" what I am going through, you are so supportive.

Some of you even know how much I LOVE mail and how much it cheers me up.

This last week I went to get the mail, and found a package. I have been ordering cloth diapers (yes, I made the switch and I LOVE them, but more on that later) so I just figured that's what was in the package.

But I was wrong (hey, it happens every now and then-don't tell my husband though). It wasn't diapers. It was this awesome book, from the fabulous McMommy!! I would read the wonderful note to you, but I think I will keep that all to myself. I will tell you that it is on my fridge, and every time I get into the fridge I read these underlined letters: You Will Beat This! Since I tend to get into the fridge a lot, this is a wonderful reminder of the strength that I get from you guys.

The next day I went to get the mail and I had another package. Again, I thought they were the cloth diapers that I had ordered (which still have not come!!) but it was another package from a wonderful bloggy friend, Kristen. She sent some of my favorites, a magazine (to read while I wait in the Dr's office) some Double Stuffed Oreos (almost all gone!), a "bye-bye" for Kyler (which he is currently sleeping with) and some teething rings for Ella (she seems to enjoy them).

The next day this BEAUTIFUL flower bouquet was delivered from our friends Phoebe, Jaime, and Carter. No, they don't have a blog (but should). I did, however, write about our evening with them here.

I also received some beautiful flower arrangements from Kyler and Ella, Cody's work, and my Aunt and Uncle.

I really hope all of you know how much this means to, not only myself, but to Cody also.

I'll be honest. I cry every day. Night time is especially bad for some reason. But getting something like this from people that mean so much to me helps so much. I need this. I thrive on this.

Thank you all so much. We really need all the support that we can get. I am going to beat this. I HAVE to beat this. I refuse to leave my babies without a mommy.


Tara said...

Keep up your faith and your strength. You will beat this just like McMommy said!! I am praying and thinking of your family daily.

MeganK said...

Hi Heather! I follow your blog through Jenny Lewis'. I just want to say that you are being so saturated in prayer. Just from reading everyone's comments and from people that I have told your story to, there are just so many lifting you and your family up in prayer.

Your feelings are so NORMAL! Angry? Heck, yeah! Does it mean that you've lost faith? Not at all. Crying? Of course. It wouldn't be normal if you weren't going through these feelings.

My 16 month old son was diagnosed with a rare birth defect about 6 months ago. To make a long story short...I have gone through all of these same feelings.

I pray for healing for you! You are strong and you will beat this! Here's to Diet Pepsi and kicking the heck out of Cancer's A$$!!!

Lewis Family said...

Hey, I want your address too!!! E-mail me, its

(I just saw my friend Megan commented on your blog, she is wonderful and so strong. See your prayers circle just keep expanding and expanding.)

Anonymous said...

Hi Heather, I follow your blog through Amanda with lifelong playdate- she's my dear friend. and i just wanted you to know that me and all my co-workers will be having a diet pepsi in honor of you tomorrow am! You are in our thoughts and prayers enjoy your uninterrupted sleep!
Belton, MO

Christy said...

We are all here supporting you and praying for you.

McMommy said...

Oh Heather!! See how many people love you?!? We DO!!
Huge virtual hugs to you!

p.s. Tomorrow...the McMommy Chronicles is dedicated to YOU!! You'll see... :)

amanda said...

yeah tomorrow is diet pepsi day!!

sending you love, hugs and lots of sugar thoughts :)

Wendi said...

Sounds like you are well loved and looked after.
Nothing says love like visitors and packages.
Yay for both.
I gave up soda over a year and a half ago.
I am going to crack open an ice cold diet pepsi just for you tomorrow.
What is one?

Kristen said...

Yeah! So glad you loved the goodies, and glad to hear that Kyler sleeps with his trucks too. Cade does too!

Hang in there Heather, and know that there really are people out there praying for you and sending you virtual hugs every day! :)


Anonymous said...

Hi Heather,

I noticed that you received Lance Armstrong's book. I was going recommend it to you but I thought maybe there might be a better resource, maybe something with a more female perspective ... and who the heck am I to be preachy about what you should dedicate your precious time too.
Anyway, since some kind soul gave you the book. I must say that it is incredibly inspiring. If you are having any difficulty opening up a can of cancer whoopass, that book'll help you take the whole lid off the can.
At times, Lance seems a bit arrogant and self absorbed but I think that is actually somewhat instructive. You've got to love yourself to win this battle. The alternative in this case is self pity and I suspect that'd be more detrimental than the illness.
I had to chuckle a bit about the faith problem. In normal times, Faith is difficult. In my early years, I had way to much forced faith and then in College I took enough Philosophy to try to figure it all out. I was always troubled about the whole concept of sin. Doesn't it seems so retarded and arbitrary! For gosh sakes,the thought of sex will send you straight to Hell! At least that's what I learned in parochial school.
Anyway, what I finally figured out about sin is this. I get the commandments. I'll go my best and there's forgiveness if I fall short. So now I try not to focus on the laundry list. Now I feel like the greatest sin is not loving the precious life that God gives us with all the tremendous upsides and despite the difficulties.
Someday, the deeper meaning and purpose of all this may make sense. You are already touching hundreds of lives through your blog. Tina, Kezi and Zeke have probably had to endure twice as many hugs as normal. I'm sure they are wondering what is wrong with Dad.
I hope you have time to enjoy a Kriek. Diet Pepsi is fine but ...
I am wondering how Cody is doing. I'll give him a call tomorrow to catch up.

Katy McCay said...

I found your blog through McMommy's post dedication. I will be adding you and your family to my prayers...and my google reader (never enough blogs to read). :) I have two little ones as well and cannot imagine the thought of taking care of them while going through what you are going through.

Maybe these words will give you some comfort, since God's word and presence is the only thing that gives us lasting comfort:

"For I know I the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not evil, to give you a future and hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will hear you."
Jeremiah 29:11-12

Oh, and we are all drinking Diet Pepsi today. OK maybe not the kids, but they are calling their juice Diet Pepsi (I'm not quite that brave, kids and caffeine, please). I raise my is to a good night's rest in a quiet house!

Chelle said...

Heather, you are so strong it amazes me. Just to keep blogging daily while going through this is amazing. I am so glad you have an outlet through us to talk to and get things off your chest.
I was wanting your address, too. If you want you can e-mail me through my profile.
Keep your head up, keep your faith strong and I hope today goes well for you.

Susan said...

I just wanted to tell you that I was dx with breast cancer at 29, with a 3 year old and a 4 month old. I read that Lance Armstrong book to pieces, highlighted, wrote in it, reread it.... you get the picture. It really changed my life. That was almost 8 years ago. I am praying for you!

Anonymous said...

Thoughts and prayers coming your way, I saw your comment on Lisa's blog.

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