Monday, August 11, 2008

The First Day

Today is it.

The big day.

The first day of my Immunotherapy treatment.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I am. Very scared.

I am scared of what this treatment is going to do to me.

How will my body react?

Will I be able to function? Will I be able to take care of my kids? Will I be able to take care of myself?

I am also sad. Sad that today is the last day that I can breastfeed my precious little princess. No, I haven't really been weaning. I don't want to stop. I enjoy nursing her. She enjoys it also. It's not fair. None of this is fair.

I'm not sure what I have cried more over. Quitting breastfeeding or beginning treatments.

Maybe I have shed tears over both evenly.

Please think of and pray for me today as I begin this stupid journey to kick cancer's ass. I know that I will win. I have no doubts about that. I am just scared to go through hell and back to beat it.

I am so lucky to have my family and friends with me as I begin this. Thank you all for that.


Anonymous said...

We are all scared for you but know you will be strong and with God's and our help you will get through it.

It is ok to shed tears. We are also shedding tears for you but we also know what a wonderful person you are and how strong you are. You will beat this.

Smile and know you are going to get through this!!!!!!
Love, Your Favorite Mother-In-Law

Wendi said...

Sometimes we have to do hard things.
One day you will look back on this and it will remind you of the strenghth you possess.
Strength you probably did not know you had.
You are an amazing, strong, mother.
You. can. do. this.
You. will. beat. this.
My thoughts and many prayers are with you.

The Mom said...

You are so strong Heather, you can beat this and you will.

Cry if you need to, life throws curveballs at us and it's okay to hurt from it.


Christy said...

I am so sorry that you have to go through this treatment. You're right - it is not fair. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jen said...

Awww...that is really sad about the nursing. I'm so sorry you have to give that up, but obviously it is for the greater good. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you embark on this treatment journey.

Mamasphere said...

I know how strong the breastfeeding connection is, and it's more than okay to be sad, even angry, that is has to end, but you are doing it because you want to give her so much more. Better to give your daughter a mommy forever than a breast full of milk for a shorter amount of time. Your kids, your husband, your whole family, will have you by their sides for a long time to come. Nothing is better than that.

It sucks, but you are strong enough to endure whatever is to come.

McMommy said...

Thinking of you today!! Sending you big hugs!


Lisa said...

Our sermon yesterday at church was about fear. It was so powerful - wish you could have heard it too! This was my favorite part....
"Faith is not the absense of fear - it's a way to steer you through it." Have will do fabulous!

Simply Shannon said...

I hope that things are going ok for you today. I wish that you didn't have to go through it at all, but since that is obviously not going to happen, I will continue to hope that it goes as painlessly as possible.

Jen :) said...

Heather, we are all thinking and praying for you! Hang in there, this next year will be the toughest year ever, but you can do it! We are all here to help you in ANY way that we can! Give the little ones lots of loves! See you soon!

amanda said...

I will pray for you and your family. You will totally win this battle. And you will be a changed person because of it. Be brave and strong.
Good luck!! Just look at those little ones and tell yourself it is worth it.

Tammy said...

Good luck Heather..I will be thinking about you!

Stay strong!

Anonymous said...

We are so glad the first day of treatment is behind you now . . . . . sometimes our journey in life takes unexpected bends in the road, but some of my friends and loved ones have helped me see that those are the times we often learn the most about ourselves! In a year from now this will all be a memory, and you will be supporting someone else that is going through similar trials. Love and Prayers, Debbie and Bruce

Chelle said...

Honey, just thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs.
I am sorry you have to stop breastfeeding. I am sorry that all of this is even happening to you. Life can be so unfair to us, but you, my friend, are a strong, strong inspiration to all of us.
You are doing so well and just know that your family is amazing and that all of us who read your blog and have become your friend are cheering you on and love ya lots!

Clare said...

We are thinking of you today Heather!!!! So many people out here to support you. Sending bloggy hugs and luv! XO, Clare

Bex said...

I'm so sorry you had to give up nursing. Like you're not going through enough, right? I'm thinking of you. And pulling for you.

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