Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Please Come Help Me!

Yesterday I started the shots.

I was tired, but hey, I'm used to that. I'm a mom on chemo! I can handle the tired.

It's the nausea that I can't stand!

Yesterday I was nauseous on and off. It would come and go.

Today however I am EXTREMELY nauseous.

I have some Reglan which seems to work well on the nausea, however it totally knocks me out. I am home, by myself, with the kids. Can't really be knocked out.

I have some samples of a drug called Anzemet. I have never taken it so I am a little nervous about taking it when I am home, alone, with the kids.

I think, for now, I am going to deal with the nausea and just wait for Cody to call and tell me he is almost home. Then I will take the Anzemet and see how I do.

I thought life would be better on the shots.

Life, so far, is not better. Nausea and fatigue are no way to live.

I can't do this for the next 11 months. There is no way.

I will miss out on everything.

This makes me angry.

I am scared that Kyler and Ella will some day remember that I missed out on everything.

I am scared that Kyler is not going to be a mama's boy any more.

I am scared that Ella is not going to be a mama's girl any more.

I am scared that Kyler is never going to be potty trained!

I am scared that Kyler will go to preschool and not know what all the other kids know.

I am scared that Ella is never, EVER going to sleep through the night!

Ok, so some of those had nothing to do with cancer or treatment, they are however, things that I have been freaking out about. Please feel free to tell me that everything with be ok.

Pretty please?

28 comments:

Sarah said...

This too shall pass. Hold your head up and be strong. I know you probably wanted some better advise, but all I can do is pray for you to have easier times.

((((Hugs))))

Chelle said...

(((Hugs)))

I can imagine how hard this is. But I know the kids love you no matter what. Kyler will get potty trained. He will know so much at starting school. Ella will eventually sleep an entire night (Isabella still hasn't mastered that trick...) and they will always and forever be your boy and girl.

They may not get it now. But I know when they get older and they see everything that you went through to fight this fight and WIN this fight they will admire you and you will forever be their hero.

amanda said...

i hate when i try to leave you a comment and i can't come up with the right words...

so i will send hugs for now and work on the words for later.

Nate and Anne said...

Hi, I've been keeping up on your blog from a link on another blog. Don't worry about your son not knowing stuff when he goes to preschool. I figured this out when I would volunteer in my daughter's kindergarten class and they were still working on colors! Whatever he does or doesn't know, he will catch up - I promise.

I really hope the nausea gets better. I'll keep checking in to see how things are going.

www.livewithfive.wordpress.com

Patrice said...

It will get better!! All that matters in the end is you are going to kick cancers @$$!! That's what Kyler & Ella will focus on when they look back on this! My heart goes out to you, but I know you'll get through this! We're all here for you! Team Heather!!

Hailey said...

Everything will be fine. Know that I am praying for you and your family. Just remember... when you think you are at the bottom, the only way you can go is up, right?

Robin said...

Your kids are going to enjoy the little things...they don't see the fatigue and the junk...they see an awesome Mom who is an inspiration to others!
Your kiddos see the times you talk to them, play with them, kiss them, hug them....tell them you love them-they remember those things!
Love you girly...don't be scared...Psalm 27:1-14
V.14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord

Jamie said...

You are an example of strength. Kyler and Ella will soon see that (they are a little young now). The stories you tell them when they are older will be stories of faith and true grit... and they will look up to you even more.

Hang in there...I'm thinking about you!

Jen said...

I know nothing about what you are going through, but I do know one thing--Nausea is the worst! I so feel for you. I wonder if your body will get used to the shots and maybe you will start feeling better soon. Please try not to worry about these little things. They may seem like huge problems but really, in the grand scheme of life, they are just blips on the radar. Your health and well-being are the absolute most important thing to focus on right now. Allow yourself the peace and calm that is needed to get better. If you are stressed, your body will be unable to heal itself and that is the MOST IMPORTANT THING right now!! Take care and know we are all rooting for you!! :)

Don, Shelley and Izzy said...

Kyler and Ella will be just fine... they love you more than anything and they always will. Hang in there, you can do this! Please remember that Izzy and I would love to help anytime you need it....even if you just need a nap and the kids are ready to play, just call!

Shanan said...

I know this is tough but you are strong and you WILL get through this. Hang in there, we are all sending our love your way!!

Kristen said...

Hang in there, and rest assured that your children are way too young to remember this time.

Take care of yourself. That is the best thing you can do for them! :)

Sending hugs your way!

McMommy said...

No words. Just HUGE HUGS.

Always thinking of you,
me

throwslikeagirl74 said...

Hang in there. All the things that need to be done will be done in their own time. I had the same potty training freak out this summer while on chemo. Then I remebered that I had very little to do with L's potty training (not for lack of trying) and that she trained when she was ready, regardless of me. I know J will do the same. It's what kids do. So remember. You CAN do this. You HAVE to do this. For them. Hugs :)

Lewis Family said...

Everthing is going to be ok.

Promice.

Promice, Promice.

The light at the end of the tunnel, no more cancer!!!

Jenn said...

I'm sorry that you still are having to deal with the sick feeling . I too won't take any kind of drug if I'm home alone with kids. I hope you find something that works on you so you don't feel so sick and tired all the time,as for the baby not sleeping through the night I know how you feel I haven't had one of those since 1993 !
I so wish he was like my other two and would sleep really good instead of being like his oldest sister who drove me crazy with no sleep for the first year!
Well this wasn't very cheerful...it will get better ,soon I hope!

Jodi said...

Kyler and Ella probably won't remember this, but if they do. . .they'll remember how much of a fighter their mom is, how strong she is, how she went through so much so that she could be here with them because that's how much she loves her children.

I'm so sorry that the shots are so awful. I think about you always and I wish I could help. I hate nausea more than anything. I'm so sorry. You are amazing!! You are incredible. .and everything will be fine!

thetoepfertimes said...

I'm so sorry that the shots are awful! I was so hoping things would be better and they would just be an inconvienance. But Kyler and Ella won't remember any of this. They'll just know that their mommy fought cancer and won! Kyler will get potty trained, it'll amaze you and one day he'll be done, and he'll know what everyone else knows in preschool. I'm guessing with you as his mommy he already knows more than most kids in preschool now. Ella will sleep. I don't know when, but I promise she will. She probably just likes to wake up because then she can see you even more. It will be okay. just remember that when you're freaking out. This is a tiny thing and it will be okay!

Shana said...

As a mom, we always worry about all the little things, I totally get that because I am the same way! However, I have to remind myself sometimes that it all works out in the end. Kyler will evevtually get potty trained, take it from me. It took J a LONG time! So sorry about the sickness, maybe it will get better once your body is used to it. I can only hope and pray so! Stay strong mama! You are a fighter!!!

Christy said...

Everything will be fine Heather. This is all temporary. I know that it sucks ass, but you can do it.

Your babies are brilliant. They will learn everything they need to know. No worries in that department.

And if it makes you feel any better Izzy isn't sleeping through the night either.

jOni lAnE said...

thinking of you today and saying a special prayer...
-j

Wendy said...

Hang in there...this will be over before you know it!

Becks said...

You will get through this!! I promise. I can imagine how hard it sucks!! It breaks my heart for you! I wish I could come over and play with your kiddos and have you relax on the couch.
Kyler and Ella will always and forever be mommies babies!

Hugs and prayers to you!

Anonymous said...

Trained two boys and feared both would go to kindergarten in diapers...not even close, they do it when they are ready in spite of you. My heart breaks for your struggle, but know you are in our prayers. (((hugs)))

Marci Bell

Formercitygirl said...

Your mucnhkins will be fine. Kyler will get potty trained. Ella will sleep throught the night. And, they will always be mama's little boy and girl. How do I know? Because they have a courageous and wonderful mom.

Madeline and Max's MOM said...

Oh heather, I'm sorry this has been such a rough journey for you. If I was closer I would gladly help with the munchkins. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers!

I always tell my patients with nausea to try lemon drops. or maybe even those prego pops.
((((hugs, hugs)))))
Tricia

Tiffany said...

Everything will be okay - You will get past this and you will survive! Your children will love you that much more for the STRONG mom that you are! hang in there!

Wendi said...

From one "freaking out" mama to another...it will all be okay.
Hang in there.
((hugs))

 
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