Friday, December 5, 2008

A Meeting With Santa

Kyler did excellent with Santa. He even told him that he wanted the Mickey Mouse Speedway for Christmas.Ella did not care so much for Santa. Hence the reason I am in the picture! Ella would not even consider going to that big scary man with the beard!
Ella found the fake food (of course!)

And the pan. One of these days she is going to be a fabulous cook!


Last night we took the kids to see Santa.
Our Parents As Teachers group has free visits with Santa. We have taken Kyler every year so it has sort of turned into a tradition. I debated going this year because of all the germs.
My white blood cells are really low so I can't risk getting sick. After a lot of debating in my head about whether or not to go, tradition won out. We went. Why should I let cancer win? This is something that we have done every year. Why should cancer be able to take that away from me too? (That's not to say that we didn't all de-germ when we got home though!)
While we were there I met a mom who had a little boy Kyler's age and a little girl a few months older then Ella. I had seen this mom before but never really had the opportunity to talk to her.
As I was chasing the kids around, I noticed that she was sitting in the corner nursing her 14 month old daughter. A year ago I would have judged her. Now, a year later, I wanted to be her! I haven't nursed Ella since August 11th and I still miss it. Every time I see someone nursing their little one I get a pang in my chest. Silly isn't it? I should be over this. Will this longing ever go away? Will I ever get over this?
It's just one more thing that cancer has stolen from me. Stupid cancer.

10 comments:

Christy said...

I think most mothers who enjoyed nursing, are sad when it is done. You're completely normal. I think the part that makes it a little harder for you, is that you HAD to stop. Stupid fucking cancer.

On a positive note, your kiddos are happy and healthy and ADORABLE!

Tara said...

It might have stolen your nursing experience, but it has not and will not steal your life, spirit or love for those kiddos! Remember that.

Melissa said...

I'm sure that part of you will always be sad that you had to quit nursing Ella when you did, mostly because it wasn't your decision to quit. I can totally understand that because I would be very upset if I had to quit nursing Kingston before I was ready to be done. But, I'm also sure that it will get better with time. Once this whole cancer business is behind you, it'll be easier to let things like that go, but right now you're still in the middle of the battle and it's probably harder to see the big picture while you're in it.

Keep pressing on though! You are doing great!

I'll say some prayers that you'll be safe from any germs that you may have encountered yesterday.

YAY for you for holding on to your little family tradition! You're such a great mom, and those pics are adorable, as always! Thanks for sharing!

amanda said...

yay for traditions!!

i am proud of you honey for going anyways - despite all the germs :)

ps - i miss nursing too

Lisa said...

BUT you did get a great night with your family last night!!! And that was priceless :)

Kristen said...

Such cute pictures of your kids playing with and around Santa. Ella's dress is just too adorable as well! :)

Sorry to hear about the emotions the other mom brought up. Hoping that time will soon heal that wound for you. *hugs*

Auds at Barking Mad said...

I kinda think pictures where the kiddos aren't so sure of Santa are the cutest! I don't have ANY where my kids aren't scared silly or screaming their heads off! *lol*

As far as nursing...I was forced to stop this past summer. yes, I know we'd lasted 2 1/2 years, and we were going to let her nurse until she was 3, but because of my depression, I had to change meds and had to stop nursing. This was at the end of July and she STILL asks, and it still hurts to know that I was forced to deny her those last few months.

I think it's so hard for me, still, because I fought so hard in the begining, during Imp's NICU days, just to be able to nurse her.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers!

Becks said...

Great pictures, love Ella's dress!!

I understand about the nursing...I was robbed of it too :( Maybe next time!! Just another reason to have another ;)

Matthew Zachary said...

We're here for you!

Stupid Cancer! Survivors Rule!


--
Matthew Zachary
12-Year Young Adult Survivor
Founder, CEO
I'm Too Young For This! Cancer Foundation
http://StupidCancer.org

Wendi said...

You and the kids are simply adorable with Santa!
Glad you let tradition win out!
Sorry about the whole nursing bit, but she still has you and that is what's important.
Keep fighting...I am still on your team!

 
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