Monday, June 15, 2009

How I REALLY Feel

Sometimes I get so angry at cancer. I get so angry that I have to go through this. I'm angry that my family has to go through this. No 3 year old or 1 year old should have to do this. I am angry that I can't do all the activities with Kyler and Ella that I want to be able to do. They deserve to have a childhood. But, they also deserve to have a mommy that is around for a long, long time.

I currently have 3 more rounds of chemo left. I am angry that I'm not done yet. I'm angry that we don't know if this is working like it needs to work. I am angry that chemo makes me feel so awful. I am angry that I have to be gone for a whole week. I am angry that when I finally get home I feel to awful to play with my kids.

But, for all the things I am angry for, there are several that I am grateful for. I am grateful that cancer has opened my eyes to the little things in life. I am grateful that I have raised awareness in others. I am grateful that it has brought Cody and I closer. And I am grateful that I am the one going through this and not my children.

Everyone tells me that it's ok to be angry, because it makes me fight harder. Believe me, I am fighting as hard as I can. I have no intentions of letting cancer win. Keep cheering, keep reading, and keep praying.

12 comments:

Purple Quilter Queen said...

You said it all! Keep the faith! I'm rooting for you! Jenn

SpoiledBrat said...

Keep the faith and never give up. i hope this round of chemo will work for you. best of wishes to all of you.

Hailey said...

Praying in NC

Jenn said...

Thinking of you !

Christy said...

I will always be here, reading and cheering for you:)

Shana said...

2 Bits, 4 Bits, 6 Bits a Dollar....All for Heather, stand up and Holler!!!!!! WOO-Hoo!!!!!!!

Chris said...

You said it perfectly... A little anger will keep you fighting. Praying for you!

Me said...

Good for you! Get it all out!

I'm thinking of you, cheering, reading, and praying!!

Ellie Grace and Bennett said...

You got it sister! We love you guys and plan on seeing you in a few days! :) xoxo

amanda said...

cheering and praying :)

Heather said...

Keep fighting woman...you are stronger than you think!! And we are all behind you 100%!!!

Rebecca Louise. said...

YOU CAN DO IT! :)

 
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