Happy 4th!

Today, November 6th, 2009, my baby boy, my little man, turns 4 years old. And what an awesome little man he is turning out to be. I realize that he has had to grow up a little quicker than most 4 year olds, but he has taken it all in stride.

He is still a HUGE mama's boy and wants to be with me all.the.time! But, quite honestly, I am ok with that. He's only young once and I am making the most of it. The only downside is that he wants to be held all the time also and that is a little rough on me! On the upside, he also wants to cuddle with his mama and a lot and I throughly enjoy that!

This year he started Preschool at our church two days a week for 2 and a half hours. It has been wonderful for him and he really seems to enjoy it. He seems to be right on track with what he knows and what he is learning. The teacher was a little concerned with his speech, but I already have an evaluation set up for that later this month, so we will know more then.
I'm not overly concerned, being on a speech IEP wouldn't be all bad-then I could get him into the Role Model program at the schools and that would definitely be a bonus!

HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY LITTLE MAN!

I LOVE YOU MORE AND MORE EVERY DAY!

Halloween 2009- In pictures

My little Spiderman in the Preschool parade.

A posing Spidey

Ella decided to join the Preschool Halloween Parade!

Our Halloween tattoos

Halloween Tattoos

Apparently, our "new age" Dorothy carries a cell phone!

Pretty sure Spiderman is telling Dorothy to put down the phone!

We're on our way!

Please, no more pictures!

Candy...must get more candy.

Whew, Trick or Treating is hard work!

Our Branson Vacation- Day 3

On our last day in Branson we "Rode the Ducks." The Ride The Ducks amphibious vehicle is based on the famous WWII DUKW amphibious design. The vehicle is designed to drive on land and on water. Plus, they give you these awesome (insert sarcastic font here!) quackers to quack on the duck, and you even get to take them home. Fabulous!

The tour was actually pretty neat and I am really glad that we did this. If the weather would have been nice, I would have been able to take some beautiful pics. But, oh well, I resorted to taking pics of my beautiful babies:)

Kyler quacking his quacker!



Ella quacking her quacker!

Kyler driving the duck on the water.

Ella driving the duck on the water. When he asked if any kids want to come up and drive, Ella was the first one up there! I'm not even sure if she knew what he was asking. She just hopped up and ran up there!

Ella and mommy

During chemo I didn't lose all of my hair. It just got really thin. My last trip down I decided to cut it short in the hopes that it would grow back healthier. I am not a big fan of short hair on me, some people can rock it. I, however, am not one of those! I am getting used to, but I am very glad that it seems to be growing quickly!

Our Branson Vacation-Day 2

On day two we woke up and hit the Butterfly Palace and Rainforest Adventure. Honestly, it was a bit of a disappointment. The butterflies were neat but, the Rainforest was a bit of a joke.

After the Butterfly Palace, we hit the Titanic Museum. This would have been pretty neat, however, Ella decided to scream THE.WHOLE.TIME! It was awful! After the Titanic Museum, Cody and I decided we needed some wine. Fast! So we found this nice little winery that gave us some samples, and lucky for me, my favorite was on sale. So, of course, I bought some:)

In the evening we had reservations for Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede. The show was fabulous! The kids were intrigued the whole time. It was great! No screaming. No crying. Just eating and watching. Huge thanks to Dolly!

Kyler looking at the frog in the "Rainforest."

Kyler sitting on the butterfly chair.

Mommy and Kyler

Kyler and Ella examining the butterflies up close. This butterfly, however, quickly met Ella's maginifying glass up close and personal. RIP sweet butterfly!

Ella hugging the frog in the rainforest.

Ella sitting on the little butterfly chair.

Kyler tasting his own "wine." Oh quit freaking out, it was pear juice. It was delicious!

Apparently they are supposed to put the kids juice in paper dixie cups, but the new guy didn't know that, therefore my kids got to drink out of wine glasses. Aren't they lucky!

Our Branson Vacation-Day 1

Last week we took a little family getaway. We headed to Branson, MO to enjoy a little much needed family time.

Day 1 started with a trip to Silver Dollar City and some shopping at the Outlet Malls. Kyler was able to ride most of the rides and Ella was able to ride a few. Last time I went I was pregnant with Miss Ella so I didn't get to enjoy the rides. This time I was able to enjoy all the rides I wanted (and some that I didn't want to!)

I can't say the weather was perfect, because quite honestly, it was down right cold and rainy! But, we were able to make the most out of the day and we all ended up having a really good time.

Kyler riding the ladybugs all by himself!

Ella and mommy riding the train.

Kyler smiling big about making his candle.

Ella and Daddy trying to stay warm.

What Would U Do?

I should have known they were up to something. I should have known. They were quiet with a giggle here and there. But, I was busy. I was on facebook, umm, I mean cleaning the kitchen and I just didn't check on them in time.

Here is what I found when I did check on them...

Marker on the face and hands.... And for the record, he is only crying being I told him he had to go to the naughty mat!

Markers on my pillowcase and sheets.

Markers on the feet.

Markers all over her face!

More markers on the sheets. Marker was also all over my comforter.

When I walked into my room I pretty much dropped everything, and said, "Oh pish posh." Only pish posh may not be exactly what I said. I didn't know what to do.
Do I spank them?
Do I laugh?
Do I put them on the naughty mat?
Do I throw them in the tub?
Where do I even start?!!
And, of course, Daddy is out of town all week so I am on my own. ALL. WEEK. LONG! Uggg!

A Shameless Plug

Lately, I have been feeling pretty good. So good I have even been staying up past my bedtime to sew! Granted that makes it a little harder to get up in the morning, but I can't sleep very well at night anyway so I figure I might as well be doing something productive!

I have looked into doing craft shows, but I just don't have enough time to get items made to sell them. My wonderful Grandma has agreed to put a few items up at her craft sale in a few weeks, so I have been busy getting things ready for her.

Below are a few pictures of the pants and tutu's I have been making. In order to make a little money to help with medical bills, I have decided to start selling them again. I would be honored if you would let me make some pants or a tutu for your little lady.

1. $20

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11. Tutu's can be made in any color. $20

Happier Post

Sorry if my last post put tears in your eyes. That was not my intention. I have always been truthful and real on here. This is my release. I am a lot more comfortable writing about my feelings than talking about them. That's just me.

In an attempt to make up for the tears, here are some adorable pics of Miss Ella in her tutu throughout the last year and a half. Proof that the little lady is doomed to sport a tutu for.ev.er!

3 months




4 months


6 months

20 months

Hasn't she grown into such a beautiful little princess! I truly love this little lady more than words can say!

9 Just Isn't Enough

Sometimes this whole cancer thing seems so surreal.

Like I am on the outside looking in. I don't want to be going through all of this. I didn't ask for it. But, it is what it is and what can I do?

I feel like I have already fought my heart out. I have already been fighting so very hard. What do I do if the cancer comes back? Where do we go from here?

According to statics, the cancer will return in about 9 months.

9 months.

That is all I get and then I will be going through all this again.

9 months.

You have seriously got to be kidding me.

9 months isn't enough.

I want to do so many things. Especially with the kids.

I try to do fun activities with them at least once a week, but quite honestly, I don't always have the energy, and now that's it getting cold, I don't really want to take them out. I need to set up some sort of schedule where we do art projects every day or something like that. I just want them both to remember all the great things that I do with them.

Something that I hear a lot is, "They are so young, they won't remember this." Please, don't ever say that to me.

Why, you ask?

Because when you say that, I think, what if I don't make it. Then they won't remember me. (Insert tears here!)

My kids not remembering me is something that I can not handle. That is why I am working so hard to create memories. And take lots of pictures. I don't ever want them to forget me or everything that I have done for them or with them. I love them so much and I am pretty sure that if they weren't here I wouldn't be doing all this. To be perfectly honest, they are a fabulous reason to be alive. So, thank you my little monkeys. You rock!

Random Randomness

*My little man turns 4 in less than a month. I am a little sad. He is so grown up. Don't worry, he still wants and needs his mama, but he doesn't cry any more when I leave:( This makes me happy and sad. At least I still get tears from Ella!

*I let Kyler choose his birthday party theme this year. He chose Spiderman. He also chose that as his Halloween costume. Uggg. I hate spiders! This kid is trying to kill me!

*I decided on a Halloween costume for Ella. Instead of buying one for her, I decided to make it. She is going to be Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. It was cheap and easy and I think she will look adorable:)

*I have been feeling pretty normal lately. It's nice.

*Some of the side effects of chemo that most people aren't aware of are tingly feet and nerve damage. Lucky for me, I have both. My feet are always numb and I have no feeling in my toes anymore. It's a little odd. I also have major leg pain at night if I have been up and walking around a lot that day. In other words, a day at the zoo=major leg pain at night. Luckily, I have oxycodone to take all that pain away:)

*We head back to Houston in the middle of November for more scans and an appt with the Dr. I am anxious to see if that remaining spot has grown or stayed the same. Please pray that it has not grown and continues to show no activity.

*One of my internet besties is getting ready for the IVF process. Please say a little prayer for her and her family. They have been through so much. I just really want this to work out for them. However, if it doesn't, we have a back up...can you say cruise to the Bahamas:)

Me, Angie and Ellie on our last trip to Houston

*That's right, for Cody's birthday in September I got him a cruise to the Bahamas. Aunt A and her husband are going with us too. We don't leave until March so that gives us plenty of time with the monkeys before we leave (and to save up!). We are stoked!

*Since I have been feeling pretty good, I have spent a lot of time sewing clothes for Miss Ella. I have made her some fabulous little pants and tutus. It has been so nice to get back in there and sew.

Ella in some of the pants that mommy made her.

*Kyler started Preschool last month and has done amazingly well. I am so very proud of him.

*Ella has been attending Mom's Day Out at our church on Tuesdays. Once mommy is out of sight she seems to do very well. And, they will let us use her cloth diapers! Yippee! On the down side, she is constantly getting sick. I am struggling with what to do. I hate to pull her out because I love the program and this is the only time she gets to socialize. However, I also can't have her sick all the time and risk giving it to me. Esp, with the H1N1 going around.

*In a couple of weeks we are leaving for Branson. We are going to hit Silver Dollar City, Dixie Stampede, and the Titanic Museum. I hope the kids enjoy our little family get away and that my legs don't put me in to much pain.

Wordless Wednesday in a Tutu

This is what happens when my little Princess dresses herself.....

A tutu and a stocking cap! Can't wrong there!

We're Training!

Guess what we are working on at our house.....

Wish us luck!

New Plan?

Well, the new plan is... there isn't a new plan. My oncologist here agreed with my oncologist at MD Anderson and the best thing to do right now is just sit and wait. It's a little frustrating, but I have made my peace with it. I am at the best place in the nation. My Dr knows what he is doing. If this what he thinks is the best thing to do, then it must be.

I spent a lot of nights crying. But, for some reason, hearing another Dr tell me the same thing helped. I feel more reassured. More confident.

It's going to be ok. It has to be. There are no other options.

The Removal

The surgery was performed on Monday. I freaked out a little bit, but all in all, it went ok. They were only able to remove one tumor. They were not able to find the other one. I am a little freaked about this. Even though it did not show up as active on the PET scan, it still could be cancerous. And that, my friends, is a little scary.

At this time the plan is to go back to Houston in November for a repeat PET scan and appointment with the Dr. I am not sure I am very fond of this plan. That just seems like a lot of wait time. What if it actually is active and starts spreading? The thought of that actually brings tears to my eyes. These are not things that a 31 year old mother should be worrying about. It's not fair. I have two beautiful children that need and deserve to have their mommy. This whole situation just makes me so damn angry.

Before we left Houston they did a blood test to see if I had a certain protein in my blood for a melanoma trial vaccine. Of course, I do not contain the protein. The test results also came back on what they removed and it came back as melanoma-of course! I knew that it would come back as cancer, but it's still a bit of blow to hear it out loud. After 6 very, very awful rounds of chemo, it's hard to believe that I still have cancer in my body. Nothing about this seems very fair. Not fair at all.

The Scoop

For those of you who are not addicted to Facebook (like me!) here is the update:
We are still in Houston. We met with the surgeon on Friday and it was decided that the surgery would take place on Monday since we were here and wouldn't have to make an extra trip.

Two tumors remain. However, they are very, very small. The one that I could feel is now 1 cm wide and the other tumor is even smaller. The tumor on the right side (the one I could feel) they are for sure removing. The tumor on the left side is another story. It is very small and surrounded by fat so the surgeon was not sure she would be able to find it. I have an appt with ultrasound tomorrow morning and if the tech can find it then they will remove it. If they can't find it then they can't remove it. It's a little nerve racking.

When I had my PET scan there was no sugar uptake to that particular tumor which usually means there is no cancer left, it is just tissue. However, melanoma does not always have sugar uptake. Personally, I want it out. Take it all, fat, cancer, whatever, just get it out. I do not want any signs what so ever of cancer.

Please pray that they will be able to find both the tumors and that they can both be removed. Please pray that everything goes as planned tomorrow. Surgery is planned for 11am. Think of us.