Thursday, July 24, 2008

The Plan of Attack

Today we met with the oncologist. He was ok. Not my new BFF by any means, but he was nice enough. He talked very quickly, and there was a lot of info to take in. I was very lucky to have my husband, mom, and dad there with me to help me take in all the info he was throwing out there. My husband did a wonderful job of taking notes. Thank you honey.

Here is the plan of attack on this nasty cancer thing:
I have a CAT scan scheduled for tomorrow. He did not feel it had spread to my brain, but he wants to cover all the bases. Works for me. I want to know.

I have a PET scan scheduled for Monday. Again, he didn't think it had spread but just wants to cover all the bases.

Want to know what I am dreading about the PET scan?

No SUGAR! Yep, folks that's right. I can't have ANY sugar or caffeine that day. How am I going to survive with my Diet Pepsi???

Oh, this is going to be tough.

Will everyone please drink a Diet Pepsi and think of me on Monday??!!

Oh, and get this, I can't be around my kids for 24 hours after the PET scan because of the radioactive dye that they shoot into me. That is also going to be difficult.

We are very lucky to have Cody's parents about 35 minutes away so they are going to take BOTH kids for the night!

A full night of sleep? YES!! Now that gets me all giddy!!

Ok, I'm done giggling with excitement about the thought of a full night of sleep.

Let's see, I also have to have some blood work done, then we will meet with the oncologist again next Thursday to go over the results.

Assuming that the cancer has not spread, I will begin treatment with the drug Interferon.

I will go into the clinic daily Monday through Friday for four weeks (20 total days) to receive a high dose Interferon intravenously (through the vein).

For the next 11 months, I will go into the the clinic 3 days a week for an injection under the skin. This is just a simple shot, and if insurance will cover it, I can do it at home. However, he said very rarely will insurance okay this.

At this time Interferon is really the only thing that works against Melanoma.

From the research, the side effects seem to be pretty low. Nausea, vomiting, depression (no shit), and fatigue.

But, the good thing-I won't lose much hair. I was pretty excited about that. (I did just buy a pretty expensive straightener!)

I am very nervous about all of this. I'm not quite sure how I am going to go in for daily treatments and still take care of two little ones.

The Dr said the first month is the worst because I have all of these drugs coursing through my body.

I am lucky to have my mother and father in law close by and my parents who are willing to drop everything to be here for me.

I am also lucky to have wonderful friends that are close by to help out.

I have always struggled with asking for help.

I think I am going to have to suck it up and ask.

Keep praying that the CAT and PET scans come back clean. Right now, that is the best we can hope for. Oh, and pray that the insurance will ok me having the shots at home. That will save me TON of time! The Cancer Center is about 30 minutes away. If I could just do it at home that would really help me out.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

This is Why...

This, my friends, is why I am going to kick cancer's a$$...

Our week has been filled with many firsts:

Ella woke up around 2:30AM the other morning. I went in to check on her and found her STANDING UP in her crib. Of course she used the side to pull herself up, but holy smokes, she wasn't supposed to be doing that quite yet!

Ella has decided that K's toys are SO much more fun then hers!

We gave green beans a shot. Did Ella likey, you ask? Ummm, not so much! The sweet peas went much better.

Ella also said her first word, and guess what it was. I'll give you a hint, it wasn't MAMA!

But oh well, Kyler's first word was mama so I guess it's ok that Ella's was Dada!

We meet up with a friend and played in the playhouse at McDonald's. This was only the 2nd time Kyler has done this. The germs totally freak me out. I am just going to have to relax on this.

My babies are growing up so fast.

I'd be lying if the thought of not watching them grow into adults didn't totally freak me out.

I am a strong person and it's because of my kids that I am that way. I get my strength from them.

I know that I can do this. I also know that it is not going to be easy. I've always been the kind of person that looks for the easy way to do things. I'm not lazy, I just figure if there is an easier way to do it, then why not use it.

There is no easy way around this. I am going to be miserable.

Thank you to all of you for your words of encouragement and your "virtual" hugs:) You may have to give me a swift kick in the butt when I start to get negative over here-k?

Monday, July 21, 2008

The Not So Good News

The Dr called today.

They already have the test results back.

Apparently, they forgot that longer was better.

The News sucked. I have cancer. I am crying just typing that.

They don' t know how far it has spread without further testing. We meet with the oncologist on Thursday. From there we will schedule a PET scan to see where all the cancer has spread. I will be started on chemo drugs soon after that.

I am pissed.
I am sad.
I am confused.

I sort of expected this. I did. But it still makes me angry that the test came back positive. I just keep asking why.

What is the plan here?
Surely God doesn't want to take me away from my babies so soon, does he?
What does he want from me?
Why is this happening to me?
What should I have done differently?
How am I supposed to take care of two young ones when I am on chemo?

Damn it I'm pissed.

My Battle Wounds

Here are some wonderful pictures of my battle wounds from surgery. Aren't these some beauties! Now let's just pray that the lymph nodes come back clear!

I'm moving around a little bit better. I am still in quite a bit of pain.

I was trying not to take the pain meds since I can't breastfeed while I am taking them. However, the pain has won. I MUST take the pain meds.

It just kills me to have to pump and dump it! That feels like such a waste! But, since I don't have much of a choice I guess I will just suck it up and do it.

I also have two incisions in my groin. That is the spot that hurts like hell. However, I didn't feel very comfortable with putting those pics on here. Pics of my pee-yes, pics of my privates-no!

This is where they took some more skin from the previous incision on my calf.
Just in case you didn't see it, here's another pic!
I didn't realize how swollen my leg was until I saw this picture!

Happy Baptism Day!

This weekend has been one of relaxation for me. I have hardly moved from the couch.
We left the house once and that was to attend the baptism of my friends little girl, Olivia Paige.
If you haven't read about Olivia's story you really must. It is one of strength, love, and family.

Olivia and her brother, Logan William, were born at 23 weeks and 1 day. They both weighed around 1 pound 1 ounce. Logan was called to heaven after 1 month and 1 day here on earth. We all still miss him terribly, but we are blessed to be able to watch Olivia grow.

It was a true blessing to watch Miss Olivia be baptized today.
Thank you Ryan and Jodi for sharing your life and Olivia's life with all of us. You truly do have an angel.
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