Friday, August 22, 2008

The Halfway Point Baby!

This is on a plaque in the Cancer Center's waiting room. It's inspiring to me so I thought I would share it with all of you.

Does anyone know what day it is?



It's the half way point baby! I am half way done with my treatment.


These last few weeks have sucked. Majorly sucked! But I made it. It has not been an easy process. However, I knew that it wouldn't be. I knew that this was going to be the hardest battle I have ever had to fight.

I knew that I would be miserable. I knew that I would be tired. Honestly, the way that I am feeling is actually better than what I thought it would be.

I'm still angry. So very angry with cancer. I think that is going to take some time to get over. But I think given the circumstances I am entitled to being a little angry. Right?

One good thing has come out of these stupid treatments.

More blogging time! Lots more blogging time! Thank heavens for laptops!!

Thank you all for your comment love. You have no idea how much your wonderful comments mean to me. Some days during my treatment, if I am to sick to really write about anything I go through and read your comments. I know, I know, kind of dorky, but they really do make me feel better.

Since today is the halfway point, feel free to drink a glass of wine for me. If I could, I would!

Every day Kyler picks out a stuffed animal for me to bring to treatments. This day he picked out piggy. The last few days it has been this HUGE stuffed Lightning McQueen. It makes a nice pillow though! Thank you Kyler.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

A Surprise Guest

Today my husband set up a surprise guest to join me during my treatment.

He told me that he had a surprise but didn't tell me what that surprise was. Then, in walks my friend, Lyn-z. Have you visited her blog yet? You really should. She has two adorable little girls that always manage to bring a smile to my face.

Lyn-z and I went to college together, were bridesmaids in each others weddings, and still manage to email back and forth.

I am very grateful to my husband for emailing her, and very grateful to Lyn-z for joining me for a few hours today. I didn't realize what a difference it would make to have someone there with me.

Thank you so much Lyn-z for hanging out with me today. I loved catching up with you and hope you will be able to do it again next week. Sorry guys, no pics, maybe next time though.

Since I don't have a picture of Lyn-z and I, I will leave you with a picture of my awesome new shirt. (Ok, so instead of writing shirt I accidentally wrote shit-hee, hee, hee) Anyway, I should have ordered one of these shirts for everyday of the week!!

Because seriously-CANCER SUCKS!!

(These shirts came from Choose Hope)

To Nurse or Not?

Most of you know that I have thoroughly enjoyed breastfeeding.

Enjoyed is probably to light of a word.

I loved it.

Ella loved it.

All was going great. And then we hit a road block. A road block called cancer.

Stupid cancer.

Last Monday was my last day to nurse Ella. She, of course, had no idea that it would be our last time.

No clue.

I told her, I tried to prepare her, but alas, she didn't listen.

Instead, she continues to scream when I try to give her a bottle.

She tries to bite my boob through my shirt, and trying to get her to nap has been pure torture.

I hate that I can't nurse. I hate that I can't calm her down. I hate that I can't get her to sleep. I hate that I am still producing milk by the buckets.

I knew that I was making a lot of milk, but seriously, this is crazy. I am still needing to pump once a day or else I am in some major pain. I hate that too.

When Ella was around a month old I started pumping and storing. I have a TON of milk stored up. Which ended up being a blessing in disguise. Even though I am not nursing her myself she is still getting breast milk. But let's face it, I wasn't breastfeeding her solely for the benefits of the breast milk. I was nursing her because it was something that Ella and I could do together and nobody could take it away from me.

And then someone did. Cancer stole it from me. Stupid cancer. It should not have the right to do that. It really shouldn't. It took away something that was precious, a bond that I loved.

I know it could be worse. It could have taken away me. Now that would be bad. I suppose I should be happy that all cancer has taken from me right now is breastfeeding. Even though I wish it would not have stolen that from me, it could have been so much worse. Hopefully, Ella will decide that taking a bottle from mommy is an ok thing to do. For now I'll just keep trying.

I was able to nurse her for 7 months. That is 3 months longer then I nursed Kyler. 7 months isn't too bad. It's not 5 years, but it's something right?

Now I'm curious about all of you.

Did you nurse? If so, how long?

If you chose not to nurse would you mind sharing why you made that choice?

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Has anyone seen my Piggy?


Hmmm, I wonder where that piggy went.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Yum Yum

Why do I feel the urge to spend tons of money on toys when Ella is perfectly happy eating catalogs?

I hope Grandma doesn't want to order anything.

I mean seriously, look how happy she is!
Pure bliss I tell ya!
How much is my allowance again?

Mom, look at these Eddie Bauer shoes. I think they would look really nice on me in a few years.

Monday, August 18, 2008

My New Favorite Day

Saturday used to be my favorite day. No school, no work, just plain fun with the fam.

However, since beginning treatments, I have now discovered that my favorite day is now Sunday. I still need Saturday to recooperate from the treatments of the week.

But, Sunday, oh wonderful Sunday. I feel great on Sunday. Just like my normal self. Sort of. I'm still tired, but I am actually able to function on Sunday. I love it.

I can play with the kids. Attend church. Run errands. Make dinner, ok who am I kidding, I mean eat dinner. It's just so great to feel like a human again. It sucks knowing that this will all be over come 2PM today. I am soaking it all in folks. Soaking it all in.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

A Few of My Favorite Things

This past month has truly shown me how great people can be.

It has opened my eyes to how caring most people really are. I love it and I love you guys.

You have no idea how much it cheers me up to open up the mailbox and discover that someone has sent me a little something. Or how I get that giddy little feeling when I see the flower delivery person walking up our walkway with a delivery.

Or how I breathe a sigh of relief when I realize that tonight we don't have to cook because someone is bringing dinner.

Silly, I know, but it's those little things that keep me going.

I have done an awful job of letting you guys know how loved I am.

I have just kept it all to myself. I am selfish, what can I say. I didn't want to share.

But, the time has come. I must share. I am starting to feel guilty. So, in order to ease some of my guilt, I will give you a peek at what has been showing up on my doorstep this month. However, I am going to continue to be a bit selfish. This is as close as you guys are getting:)

This gorgeous plaque came in the mail from my real life BFF, Aunt A.

See these awesome toys? These came from Amanda and Beans. I am pretty sure the stuffed dog is for Ella, but, well, it has been keeping me company at my treatments. Thanks Beans!

This assortment of goodies arrived just this week from Wendi. I'm sad to say that there was also a bag of gummi worms, but they have met their demise. And no, I swear I didn't eat the whole bag by myself. Kyler had 3!

My Aunt Jill sent this fabulous balloon bouquet for me and the kids. The kids have enjoyed the balloons, and I have enjoyed the candy

No, I didn't get the Pizza Hut sign in the mail, but I got a Pizza Hut gift card from my good friend Lyn-z, which is way better then just getting the sign!!

Huge, Huge Thank yous to every. single. one. of. you.

You have all made my day. I appreciate how you not only sent a little something for me but also for my babies. I am so glad that you guys can tell how important my children are to me. It's great to be so loved.

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