Thursday, March 26, 2009

Rough Draft

Today I had the surgery to remove the spots.

The Dr felt that they were probably Melanoma. When he removed the spots they were black underneath. Not good.

He sent them off to the pathologist and we should have the official results next Tuesday or Wednesday.

I already have an appt with my oncologist scheduled for next Thursday. Obviously, my treatment plan will have to change.

I'm pretty pissed right now. But I won't go into that. For now, I am going to go enjoy every precious second with my beautiful family.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Freakin' Out

A couple months ago I found a spot on my back. I didn't think to much about it. It looked like a bug bite. It itched like a bug bite. No big deal. I showed it to my oncologist at my last appt. and he felt it was a Sebaceous cyst and not a huge deal. I already had an appt with my dermatologist scheduled.

Then a week ago Sunday a different spot showed up. This one below my right shoulder and more of a lump. About the size of a pea (it has now doubled in size). Pissed me off, but I wasn't to worried. Then another lump showed up that night. This one on my chest. Now I'm just getting really pissed. What is causing this? Why are they multiplying? What the hell is going on? I had an ultrasound to rule out a blood clot. It did. So now we know they are either cysts or lymph nodes.

I went to the dermatologist today. He looked at the spots and said he wanted those off right away. He is actually coming in tomorrow after office hours to remove all three of the spots.

At first I wasn't all that worried, I don't really want more scars, but it's minor in comparsion. However, after thinking about it. What if these lumps are swollen lymph nodes? Swollen lymph nodes could mean more cancer. Needless to say, I am TOTALLY FREAKING OUT over here people.

My request to you guys, please pray. Pray that these lumps come back as something silly. That I am freaking out for no good reason. Pray people, pray hard. Thank you.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Bed Bug

Lately, the adorable little stinker pictured below has been bed hopping. He starts out in his bed and "magically" appears in our bed in the middle of the night.


To be perfectly honest, I don't mind. I like being close to him. I like cuddling with him. I like him being near me. But, I also know that it's not good for him or for my marriage.
The bed hopping first started when I was diagnosed with cancer. When a 30 year old mother of two finds out that she has stage IV melanoma cancer, you kind of freak out. All sorts of things flash through your mind. One of them being your children. Stage IV cancer is scary. Most people don't make it. I thought I might be one of those people. When that thought crosses your mind you want your children as close to you as they can possibly get. This includes bed time.
I am torn. On one hand I want to get him back to sleeping in his own bed. On the other hand I need him. I need him near me. Ella and Kyler have been my rocks through all this. I want to be near them as much as possible. Any suggestions?
 
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