Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Happier Post

Sorry if my last post put tears in your eyes. That was not my intention. I have always been truthful and real on here. This is my release. I am a lot more comfortable writing about my feelings than talking about them. That's just me.

In an attempt to make up for the tears, here are some adorable pics of Miss Ella in her tutu throughout the last year and a half. Proof that the little lady is doomed to sport a tutu for.ev.er!

3 months

4 months

6 months

20 months
Hasn't she grown into such a beautiful little princess! I truly love this little lady more than words can say!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

9 Just Isn't Enough

Sometimes this whole cancer thing seems so surreal.

Like I am on the outside looking in. I don't want to be going through all of this. I didn't ask for it. But, it is what it is and what can I do?

I feel like I have already fought my heart out. I have already been fighting so very hard. What do I do if the cancer comes back? Where do we go from here?

According to statics, the cancer will return in about 9 months.

9 months.

That is all I get and then I will be going through all this again.

9 months.

You have seriously got to be kidding me.

9 months isn't enough.

I want to do so many things. Especially with the kids.

I try to do fun activities with them at least once a week, but quite honestly, I don't always have the energy, and now that's it getting cold, I don't really want to take them out. I need to set up some sort of schedule where we do art projects every day or something like that. I just want them both to remember all the great things that I do with them.

Something that I hear a lot is, "They are so young, they won't remember this." Please, don't ever say that to me.

Why, you ask?

Because when you say that, I think, what if I don't make it. Then they won't remember me. (Insert tears here!)

My kids not remembering me is something that I can not handle. That is why I am working so hard to create memories. And take lots of pictures. I don't ever want them to forget me or everything that I have done for them or with them. I love them so much and I am pretty sure that if they weren't here I wouldn't be doing all this. To be perfectly honest, they are a fabulous reason to be alive. So, thank you my little monkeys. You rock!
Blog Makeovers by Tara