Saturday, February 13, 2010

The Results Are In...

...and they aren't good, of course. The PET scan showed a 1.4 cm mass of melanoma in my left hip region. The oncologist could not feel it, but he said it was definitely melanoma and that it showed some sugar uptake on the PET, which means that it is active.

Right now about the only thing left to try are trials. I have had all of the proven to work chemo drugs. But, if you think about it, even the proven ones are still a trial. They aren't proven to work on everybody. Just some of the people. I am ok with a trial. What have I got to lose.

I am not, however, ok with the cancer returning. I am pretty pissed to be honest. And, if you don't like it, quit reading. I have that right. I am pissed at God. I am pissed at chemo. I am pissed at my body. And I am pissed at the Doctors. I am pissed at medical technology. It's just how it is. Those are my feelings and right now that is just how I feel.

I will get over some of that anger. I know that. I've been through this stage before. Some of the anger subsides, but it doesn't go away completely.

We have several different trials that we can try. The one trial that, according to my oncologist, would be the best for me because of a certain mutation that I contain, is already full. There are several cancer centers around the nation performing that trial right now, so on Monday I will be calling each and every one of them to see if they have an opening. My oncologist has already told me that if I find an opening I had better take it. However, the chances of me finding an opening are pretty slim. But, there are other options. There are lots of options. If you go to clinicaltrials.gov and do a search for Stage IV Melanoma you will find at least 25 pages of trials. So, obviously, I could be doing trials for a very long time.

If you know me, you know that I am stubborn, a fighter, and that I love my family more than anything in the whole wide world. I will continue to fight. I will always continue to fight. Looking at my two beautiful children this morning made me realize that I will do whatever I have to to stay alive. A lot of things are going to change in our lives. But, we have no choice in the matter. I will fight with all my heart. There are no other options.

Friday, February 12, 2010

About the results

Today we find out the results from not only my scans, but also from a dear friend's biopsy. I think that is why I haven't freaked out to much about mine. I have been freaking out about hers to much!

She was having some tingling in her hand for a few days, and woke up one day and her whole hand was swollen. She was started on steroids and antibotics, but nothing helped. She had a mass the size of a marble removed on Wednesday and the pathology from that should be back on Friday.

Friday, the same day that I will find out my results. Pretty sure I am not strong enough to handle both of us having cancer. She is like a sister to me. I love her and I love her children. She is strong. Very strong. But, no young mama should have to go though this. No one should have to go through this. Cancer is stupid. And cancer sucks monkey balls! (My new fav saying, BTW)

Whenever I think about my cancer returning it's like my stomach just drops to the ground. It's like riding on a roller coaster. This journey has been like riding on a roller coaster. Have I ever told you that I HATE roller coasters?!! Seriously, not a huge fan. Especially now! My life is enough of a roller coaster, I certainly don't need to ride on a real one!

For some reason I feel really confident that the cancer has not returned. Not sure why. As you know, I am not overly positive, nor overly negative, I get enough of each from my MIL and Mother. I try to be the level headed one. The right down the middle gal. I know the what ifs and the what nows and I am prepared to ask them. But, I am secretly hoping that I won't even have to. I know that the chances of the cancer returning is great. But, like Aunt A loves to say, someone has to be in the 13%, why not Heather. So, from now on, that is my new fav number and my new motto. I shall be in that 13%. Why not? I deserve it. My life is finally returning to normal. My life is great, quite honestly. I am a normal mom.

In fact, the other day I was talking to some moms at K's preschool and I told them that I couldn't be there for the V Day party, but was willing to bake whatever they needed me to. I explained that I was returning to Houston for my follow up PET and MRI. They looked at me like I was crazy and asked, you're doing what. They had no idea I had cancer and had been going through all of this. Considering, I have been through hell and back, it is a wonderful compliment to hear that they had no idea. They also referred to me as supermom, so that felt pretty good too:)

My Dr appt tomorrow is around 2:30 and we are heading home right afterwards. I will not be able to update on here, but I will post an update on Facebook as soon as I can (I can do that from my phone!). If I do not have you on facebook, but you would like to be added, leave me a comment with your name or with your email address and I will try to figure out how to add you as a friend, from my phone. Could be interesting!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Prayer Request

On Wednesday (2/10/10) we leave for MD Anderson for my 3 month follow up visit. I have a PET scan and an MRI scheduled for Thursday and an appt with my oncologist on Friday.

I am fairly certain that the scans will be clear, however, you just never know. We are approaching that 9 month mark. For those of you that don't know, the average remission time with the chemo that I went through is 9 months. 9 months is May. However, it certainly doesn't feel like 9 months is almost here. I would like to start the 9 month count from when my incision is all healed and since I am still waiting on that, technically, 9 months hasn't started, right? Ok, maybe not, but that is the way I would like to think of it!

So, if you could say a few extra prayers these next few nights for me that would be fabulous.:)
 
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